DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
