Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
