Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
