Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
