I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
