Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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