dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
