Already got asked if we're dating
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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