I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
