sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
