We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
