I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What a dumb baby whore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
