At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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