Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
