eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize