A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
