he wants to bone in the snuggie
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
