Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
