Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
