who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
