dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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