my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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