I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
