party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
