from now on my penis is your penis
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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