i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
