What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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