we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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