Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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