saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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