We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
