worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
