How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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