A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
