my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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