If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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