you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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