You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
