his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
