I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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