Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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