those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i dont even know how to be here
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
