is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
