that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
