We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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