there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
