just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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