This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
