The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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