Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
