I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
