I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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