2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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