Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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