"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
