I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize