You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize