We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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