Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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