You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
