Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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