im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cockslap morals
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
