Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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